


Café au lait

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Because they both are very gay, Don't really like this so far, Evangelical Christianity AU, Go watch Jesus Camp it is hilarious, I really hope Evangelical Christianity AUs are not a thing, If there are typos PLEASE comment them it will not offend me, Ishimaru and Sonia are best friends, It's on Netflix, Multi, Rebellion, Religion, Sonia's mystery girlfriend will show up soon, There will probably be lots of fourth wall breaking, They refer to themselves as the Ultra Despair Gays, This is based off of Jesus Camp, Which means spoilers, anti-Christianity, really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junko Enoshima has found a new way to spread Despair.</p><p>THIS FIC WILL PROBABLY NEVER UPDATE. IF YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS IDEA, GO AHEAD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Café au lait

It began as an ordinary day at Hope's Peak.

The school, trapping its students inside until summer vacation, was known for its foundation of talent. It was a school for cultivating talent, assessing it in order to have it bear the greatest results. And it worked. All attendees of the school left with their lives set out in front of them, hopeful futures carefully mended to meet society's ideals. That was the formula, and it worked.

The freshman homeroom was full, with the exception of one student: Kiyotaka Ishimaru. Despite his age, Ishimaru had already been elected as the head of student affairs. The Ultimate Moral Compass, or so he was apply named, directed the school in terms of its mannerisms. His absence in homeroom was frequent, for he often had to deal with student issues.

It was then when a banging sound reverberated through the school. It was familiar of a gong. It took the students, especially the freshman, a few good seconds to realize that this was the fire alarm. Fire drills were the only other scenario in which the students were to exit the building. They only happened twice a year, but it was the second time already, and it was only October. This lead the smarter of the students to the conclusion that this was a real fire, and thus movement was hurried and frantic.

The autumn breeze rushed by bare shoulders and fur jackets alike as a grand total of 31 students and 25 faculty members gathered outside. Japan's birth rate was decreasing, and the number of Ultimates was decreasing, leading to Hope's Peak only currently having a freshman and sophomore class.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru, as well as Junko Enoshima, and some tubby being who went by the name of Byakuya Togami, (which caused fights between him and a freshman who also went by the name of Byakuya Togami) stood next to Jin Kirigiri, the school's principal. Togami, (or as his given nickname, Twogami,) standing there made sense, but Junko Enoshima? Their school was burning and the best line of defense was Junko Enoshima, Ultimate Fashionista? Even her sister, Mukuro Ikusaba, seemed rather alarmed.

"Good morning, lovelies!" The fashionista started, a smile smeared between blood-red lipstick. "No actual fire, so that's good! We just had to go outside to deliver a super-special announcement."

The first to object was Gundam Tanaka, Ultimate Animal Breeder, better known as Ultimate Occultist. "Tell me, Primadonna, for what reason would you falsify the temporary return of hell?"

"Gundam-kun, that's a bad, bad word!" the fashionista retorted in cheerily childish voice, her eyes and expression drooped.

"Fool! My manner of speech is one that will one day dominate this Earthly realm!"

"You can't say hell here, Gundam-kun! For as of today, we are a congregation of Evangelical Christians!"

And this began the dropping of jaws, and oppositional yelling.

"The fuck?" objected Leon Kuwata, the Ultimate Baseball Player, or Punk Wannabe.

Jin Kirigiri brought further explanation. "Miss Enoshima has convinced us of the wonders of God. We have seen his Holy Grace, his Holy Spirit affect us in a way that changes people for the better. He has come to give us true vocation."

"You want me to slug ya?" Mondo threatened, cracking his knuckles.

Ishimaru takes a perfectly folded paper out of his pocket. "Classmates! Please be seated on the grass at this time!"

There were groans and grunts, but after about five minutes, 56 asses were firmly planted on short pieces of dirty grass.

Ishimaru, reading off the paper, sounds even more static than usual. "Use this time to connect to the Earth, and with God! Feel the Holy Spirit breath life into you! Listen to what he has to say!"

"I don't hear anything," Yasuhiro Hagakure, the "Ultimate" Clairvoyant grumbled, one eye open.

Everyone could tell that everyone else (besides Junko Enoshima), wasn't taking this seriously. Makoto Naegi and Chihiro Fujisaki had begun to trash talk Enoshima in morse code through eye blinks.

"How was your experience?" Headmaster Kirigiri asked, a soft smile on his face.

"Wonderful," sarcastically muttered Hajime Hinata. People often called him "Pay 2 Play," because, as of right now, he had absolutely no talent.

From there, the situation spewed into an all-out fight, mainly between Tanaka and Enoshima.

It did not end well.

* * *

 

Sonia Nevermind, the school's Ultimate Princess (often referred to as the "Ultimate Occultist in Training,") couldn't pay much attention in biology, her first class that day. It wasn't a biology class at all. Every class right now was the same: explaining the changes that would be made to the school.

Physical Education was to be replaced with Religion four out of five days each week. Three certain bulkier students seemed particularly upset by this. Mass was to be held every Friday. All classes are to have a picture of Jesus on the Cross. All classes were to begin with a prayer. That was when Sonia Nevermind finally zonked.

Next came free, and a sudden return of limited alertness. She shared free with Ishimaru, who was her best friend. She'd convinced him back in October that a one period break each day was best for the mind. So the two of them sat by the windows on high chairs, glancing at the dreary, gray sky that lay before them.

"All these changes seem rather extraneous... They take away time from learning," Ishimaru groaned, head slumped in his hands. Ishimaru always slept properly, unless he was sick. And he definitely wasn't sick today. So he was upset.

"They are rather not-hella," the princess replied, her slang sounding murky, and forced.

"I'm going to the bathroom," the princess sighed, pushing in her chair. She didn't actually need to "use the facilities," she just needed to get away from all of this bullshit.

Sonia peeks around the corridor, noticing a staircase she hadn't seen prior.

They had a staircase that descended. So the school did have a basement. She's rather disappointed that she hadn't seen it earlier.

She proceeds to go downstairs. It's a dark and empty space, and it has a pungent "aroma" of burned food. She finds a lightswitch, further proving her point that the room is a blank slate.

She runs to the nurse's office.

"YO MIKAN HIT ME UP WITH A BLOOD PACKET," she yells, hands raised in the air.

"So-Sonia...!? Are you injured...?" the nurse stutters, approaching her. Good thing the nurse's office was entirely student run.

"Nah! I need to appear injured, though," the princess mutters nonchalantly with a shrug.

The two whisper to each other for about five minutes. Then, Sonia's head is doused in blood by Mikan.

"YEAH FAM LET IT RAIN."

Two minutes later, Sonia is gone. Mikan goes back into the bed with one of her patients, snuggling their head against her chest.

"ISHIMARU GET OVER HERE I TRIPPED ON THE STEPS," she yells, returning to the cafeteria.

Ishimaru strides over. (Even in times of need, he will not run. What the hell, Ishimaru.)

"G-G-GAAAAAAH!" he screams. The whole cafeteria is watching like it's a soap opera. Asahina had rolled over. She wore heelies. Goddamn heelies. Gays went against Christ, but heelies didn't? Why the hell? Those shoes are like 10 years ago. If anyone comes in here with a goddamn hoverboard Sonia will punch them, unless they're trying to recreate Back To The Future. Sonia was a slut for Back To The Future.

Ishimaru is still screaming, while Sonia drags him out of the cafeteria.

She takes a washcloth out and wipes the blood as soon as they are in the hallway.

"You'll have to stay in the infirmary for quite a few days, are you feeling- Sonia!" Ishimaru calls as the princess turns right, although Tsumiki's officice requires a turn to the left.

Ishimaru rapidly follows her down the stairs, stopping at the basement.

"Going in here is against the rules!" he shouts sternly.

"Are you sure?"

Ishimaru goes into the school handbook, skimming it.

"...There are no rules prohibiting this."

Sonia winks, and drags him into the basement.

"What are we going to do with this?"

"Make it our resistance."

"Resistance...?"

"A café."

"That sounds lovely!"  
  
"A gay café."

**Author's Note:**

> Yo thanks for reading?? I'm not sure if I want to continue this so comment if you think I should bc idk??


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